my new dog

hes super cute and just so sweet I got lucky his name is buddy and he dont bark which is a good thing............ hes 6 months now

4 months

well its almost been 4 months since we break up... and I still feel like I want to cry :( sometimes I do when I try and sleep I just lay there thinking about it..... I can honestly say he is my first love.... his sweet kisses use to send me to the moon and back...oh how I miss them days.... I miss his parents to I really liked them they were so kind to me..... sigh... I wash we could work things out..... a year and 3 months come on... we did not fight or anything...... I wish we could have talked this out....or if u really wanted me to play games with him like wow I would have.... I would do just about anything for him.....hes a sweet guy simple and I like that about him....... hes a guy u can trust........ i still get uneasy feeling in my stomach when we talk....... the same feeling I had the first day I saw him.......


honestly I wish we would get back together... but hes got this pride its like hes jealous of me working... and me spending money to see him.... that is what people do......he feels so low of him self.... he says I want the American dream..... honestly not sure if I want kids..... its a big task... all be happy if I have a roof over my head and im in a safe area......... I was trying to tell him that I would live in a trailer park if that was in store for us.......I love ray that much....... he don't understand that....... honestly I would have moved there for him I would have tried so hard.... because I hate being a way from him.....and I miss pinching his cute nipps or hanging on his back while he played wow..... I just wish a second chance was in store for us??????





so anyways here is a NEW poem that I made the other day...



i strode right to the ends of this earth and here i will stay.
frozen. betrayed.
my life shattered like broken ice.
my body numb like in the dead of winter.

i cant feel much, but when i do
i dedicate my hate you.

i dwell beneath the snow and i tunnel to the darkened, cold waters.
Hell knows better than to step in my path.

My heart will never melt because of you.
And everyday my eyes grow colder and my limbs begin to snap.
but never will i fall

this white world is mine.
my frozen kingdom shines.
it called my name and i answered.
forever, here ill stay.

frozen. betrayed.

what's left of my soul

The last few months have been real hard for me....trying to deal with many things going on inside......I let it go too far this time.... cover it up with a smile and act like nothing is wrong but eat away inside...... well my mom just up and left we don't know where she is......we see her around town every now and then but she has no desire to see how the family is doing...she could care less....then my bf who I love so much and would do anything for tells me its over out of no where......and is really shot and don't give much reason why...... which left to think... I just try so hard and feel like no one cares or even gives a dam about me..... just wish this feeling would go away.... and I could not deal with it anymore.... no matter how many miles I run or how many weights i life or things I buy its always about him....... I am always thinking was it me did I love to much not enough... so I end up taking about 8000MG of pain pills and went to sleep.....my dad found me and rush me to kaiser..... I had my stomach pumped and had to talk with the nurse from the mental heath ward at kaiser on the 6th floor...... I just cried and cried so hard and told her why........all the things just came out....... and no matter how hard I try it is never good enough....... guys don't like me cuz im a bit chubby.. or have some reason not to like me... or want some fucking model type what about the sweet romantic type.... don't they count.... so she gave me some advise... and wants me to meet with her at least 3 more times..... as a fallow up........

my family is so upset that I could do something so stupid over a guy that dump me for reasons unexplained

pulled

well lets just say tomorrow at 3 im getting back teeth pulled and the nerv pain should go away after this I sure hope so cuz man.....anyways wish me luck kinda nervous even tho its no big thing......

I still love you RAYMOND LIANG

If I could write you a letter,
Of how I really feel,
I hope I could convince you,
That this is all real.

There's really no other way to say it,
But you're always on my mind,
And whenever your around,
I leave every other thought behind,

I love your gorgeous smile,
It seems to knock the wind out of me,
I can't seem to take control,
In your arms; is where I want to be.

I love the sound of your voice,
It fills my heart with an indescribable feeling,
That not even I can explain,
Each time I hear it, I fall in love all over again.

You have a way of making me feel,
Like nothing can hurt me when you're around
And that no matter what happens,
You'll be there If I fall to the ground.

There is no one else in the world,
That makes me feel this way,
No body else,
Makes me stutter over the words I say.

There is really no right way to say it,
but I love you with all my heart,
Nothings been that clear,
since I saw you at the very start

poem by Nelson

"You're so beautiful",
the first words you said to me
From that day on
you had me lifted up off my feet
Something tells me that we'll always be the same
And everyday I pray to god
that you never change

If i was colorblind,
you would shine in rainbows
Since you're my lucky charm
i need no pot of gold
I still dream about that first most perfect kiss
And only two words describe it,
Magically Delicious